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How to deal with your own jealousy?

Perhaps our jealousy makes something useful for us. Remember that the first experience of jealousy that we lived through was a fear to lose a beloved person. And we can have this love back only in a creative way. Trying to be better. Better than anyone else. Being the best person on Earth. Fear and anger are negative feelings. But in this case they are, being under the name of "jealousy", are more the medicine than a poison. And the first experience of the children's jealousy teaches us that deal with the fact that nobody of us is "the center of the Universe". Jealousy is the very feeling that teaches us to love, because we begin to understand that love is not given to us in waste - that we are to gain it and to deserve it. That it is I do not advise you "to fight" with jealousy, because it can serve as a creative power.
And for those who supports the theory that their jealousy are somewhat harmful I want to give next recommendations. At first you should discuss your "jealous" feelings with your beloved person. Your feelings, I repeat. If your conversations are about that your partner deceives you and you want to get assured that it is not so, these conversations are not about the topic of discussion. Tell him/her what you feel. Try to explain what is the reason of your not trusting your partner. Speak about your disadvantages, which can become the reason of your not being trustful and reproachful.
On the other hand you should work over your self-appraisal. It is an universal medicine for all the cases of jealousy. The lower self-appraisal is, the more reasons for being jealous appear. If your self-appraisal is low, you think that you do not deserve to be together with this person and this hurts you a lot. And the last thing is that you should to apply the psychiatrist for help, especially if my foregoing advice do not help you. There are no incantation against jealousy.
If a person suffers from the tortures of jealousy but keeps them inside could it be negative for the relationship? Is it better to discuss your emotions with your dear person? And not only feelings of jealousy, but other our feelings and emotions as well? Always tell what you feel. It will become better, as a minimum. It is a well-known fact that if you speak about your thoughts and feelings aloud, it helps to achieve an emotional relaxation. But you should not mix it with "a splash of emotions". You should speak only about your feelings. Even more speaking about your feelings can help you even if you are speaking to yourself. For example if you are being conquered by the feeling of jealousy, you can tell yourself (aloud): "I am jealous, I am conquered by the feeling of a terrible jealousy" (the text is arbitrary; the main thing that it should depict what you feel). This can really help you a lot.
How to calm your partner, if he has "an attack" of jealousy? Do such relationships, when one of the partners is abnormally jealous have future? "Attacks" of jealousy do not happen without no reason. They all have their reasons. For example if a man leaves for work at seven o'clock in the morning and comes back at twelve o'clock at night, and it happens every day, his wife has a real right for being jealous. I do not mean that she should show up her jealousy, but that her jealousy is not groundless. Many people think: "If I am faithful, so my partner has nothing to worry about". And they take their partner's jealousy to be forced and hurtful. But forced jealousy is a consequence. A real reason of jealousy is an absence of the signs of attention or compliments. An indifferent attitude towards an emotional side of your relationship.
The second wide-spread reason for jealousy is partner's worries for his/her unattractiveness. For example when a woman is pregnant her feelings of jealousy are doubled for several times. And a man should be several times more attentive and sensitive towards her. The reason of worries (and the attacks of jealousy too) can be also illnesses, injuries, sexual problems and many other problems that lower self-appraisal and makes our anxiety bigger. Showing more sensitivity and attention you can avoid these "attacks".
There is other extremity when a person is not jealous at all. Is this normal? Yes, is it absolutely normal. Let's remember about the reasons of jealousy. Why does the kid feels the fear of losing love and attention of his mother? Because he lacks her attention, her smile, her presence and her care. It is not a theory, but a sensitive feeling. He feels badly and she is not close to him at this moment. He wants to play and she is busy. And as a consequence his jealousy is a sign of his emotional dissatisfaction. I think that it also the same for an adult person too. If the relationship is build on love, care and trust there won't be any reasons for being jealous at all.

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